Ten Funny Ways to Begin Sales Calls
10. My name is Julia. I play the viola. And, yes, I am selling something.
9. You don’t know who I am (with attitude) . repeat.
8. Deliver lines to tune of Somewhere Over the Rainbow
7. Do you have $500
6. How much money do you make?
5. Who would you like to be the next president of the United States of America?
4. SHITTTTTTTTT!!!!!
3. Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?
2. Is this OJ Simpson’s attorney?
1. You have 5 seconds to hang up.
Ten Funny Things to Say to Meany Lawyers
10. Press one if you would like to continue this conversation, press two if you would like to continue to be an asshole.
9. Can you speak up, I can only hear your attitude.
8. I know a really good counselor in (city).
7. Will you still be on your period tomorrow?
6. Yeah, you’re right, your life must suck.
5. Who do you think is doing their job better right now?
4. Did you notice I’m smarter than you?
3. You are not nearly as nice as your Mom.
2. I wish I could have been calling to tell you I you won a vacation to Aruba - oh, wait, that was me.
1. Cry. Hard.
Ten Ways to Increase My Positivity
10. Drink coffee
9. Make others more positive.
8. Accept rejection.
7. Talk like myself.
6. Play a prank or two.
5. Slow the fuck down. Chill out.
4. There will be another one.
3. I’m doing just fine.
2. In the grand scheme of things, what’s actually important.
1. Believe in myself.
Ten Reasons I Shouldn’t Give Up
10. What else am I going to do?
9. Quitting is for losers.
8. I’m better than that.
7. People like me.
6. My family believes in me.
5. I’m a road with solid pavement.
4. I enjoy waking up in the morning.
3. More opportunities will come my way.
2. You can always succeed more.
1. Work is another family.
